Mothering Myself

In a society preoccupoed with how best to raise a child
I’m finding a need to mesh what’s best for my children with what’s
necessary for a well balanced mother.

I’m recognizing that ceaseless giving translates into giving yourself
away.

And, when you give yourself away, you’re not a healthy mother and
you’re not a healthy self.

So, now I’m learning to be a woman first and a mother second.
I’m learning to just experience my own emotions
Without robbing my children of their individual dignity by feeling
their emotions too.

I’m learning that a healthy child will have his own set of emotions
and characteristics that are his alone.

And, very different from mine.
I’m learning the importance of honest exchanges of feelings because
pretenses don’t fool children,

They know their mother better than she knows herself.

I’m learning that no one overcomes her past unless she confronts it.
Otherwise, her children will absorb exactly what she’s attempting to
overcome.

I’m learning that words of wisdom fall on deaf ears if my actions
contradict my deeds.

Children tend to be better impersonators than listeners.
I’m learning that life is meant to be filled with as much sadness and
pain as happiness and pleasure.

And allowing ourselves to feel everything life has to offer is an
indicator of fulfillment.

I’m learning that fulfillment can’t be attained through giving myself
away

But, through giving to myself and sharing with others,
I’m learning that the best way to teach my children to live a fulfilling
life is not by sacrificing my life.

It’s through living a fulfilling life myself.
I’m trying to teach my children that I have a lot to learn
Because I’m learning that letting go of them
Is the best way of holding on.

~ Christiane Northrup, M.D. in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom

I’m sharing this tonight as I struggle with being a parent. I’ve never done this (parenting) before and it is hard. I want to do my best with them, but I also don’t want to get lost in the process or lose them in the process. I don’t want to push my baggage onto them as it is not theirs to carry. I want them to create their own life – full and rich, creative and alive. And I want that for myself as well. Mothering . . . best and most difficult job I’ve ever had.

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